


Acceptance and Kittens

by fresne



Category: Skullgirls, Wander Over Yonder, X-Men - All Media Types
Genre: Complete crack, Fluffy, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-19
Updated: 2015-02-19
Packaged: 2018-03-13 17:06:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,160
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3389552
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fresne/pseuds/fresne
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Written for an Iron Chef writing err... exercise. Goal 1000 words in 1 hour.</p><p>Ingredients: Magneto, Lord Hater, Beowulf. Location: Gotham. Event: They find a box of kittens. Secret Ingredient: Acceptance.</p><p>About what you'd expect. </p><p>No, really.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Acceptance and Kittens

**Author's Note:**

> Keeping in mind, that Lord Hater and Beowulf's characterization is largely based on... some sentences on a slip of paper I was handed at the start of the Iron Chef. So, characterization is largely theoretical.

"Then there's the matter of the kittens." The marmalade orange kitten mewed from beneath a red and white fold of gingham in the large wicker basket in a way that clearly indicated that this cat might be only a few weeks old, but he already knew the terrible power of his large green eyes. The marmalade cat blinked three times and batted his head against a fold of cloth.

Lord Hater blinked glowing eyes in the deep set sockets of his skull face at the basket, which to be fair had not actually been there three minutes before.

They had been in the midst of their Outreach Committee Meeting for the Inter Dimensional Villains League – IDVL. As an aside, as Beowulf didn't consider himself evil, he was still glad that the quiet campaigning behind the scenes had kept them from going with Extradimensional Villains League. After all they had fully as many anti-heroes as they did villains, and what was a villain anyway. In any case, Beowulf had been about to call another point of order by flinging his folding chair again in the pool at the center of the Penguins club, when the basket of kitten had appeared on the table.

Once Magneto had determined that there was no metal or explosives in the basket, they'd pulled back the cloth to reveal six tiny and really insanely adorable kittens.

Lord Hater pulled the sleeve of his red silk robes out the path of the tiny claws of the kittens.  "Are we supposed to eat them?" He cleared his throat, realizing that that had sounded like a question. "We shall eat them for our dinner." He waved a hand at his chief lieutenant Commander Peepers. "These are clearly tribute from some terrified world thinking that I can be propiated from grinding them beneath my heel with food stuffs. We shall eat them and then I shall show them the error of their ways. Unless, it is Wanderer, in which case I shall doubly destroy him and laugh upon his burning corpse. Take these to the chef and them grilled. Commander Peepers, mine MUST be deeply charred through and through. Not," he jabbed Commander Peeper's in the chest, "pink like last time. I could have gotten ill from eating poorly cooked meet."

Commander Peeper looked at the basket of kittens and looked up at Lord Hater. "Are you sure my Lord, they don't seem to be…" he coughed and looked anywhere but in Lord Haters glaring face. "Err… yes. Of course, my Lord. Yes, Lord Hater. No sooner had you spoken the words, but I was tardy in fulfilling your slightest charred whim."

Magneto pinched the bridge of his nose. "We are not eating the kittens. Kittens are not for eating Lord Hater. They just. They are not for eating."

Lord Hater drew himself up to throw the seventh hissy fit of the meeting. "You dare tell Lord Hater what he can and cannot eat. You are nothing but flesh and blood covering the fragile bones. Why my pet could kill you in seconds."

Captain Tim, the spider on Lord Hater's shoulder hissed and appeared to be considering leaping on Magneto and biting him. Again. Magneto did wonder just why he was still on this committee, but volunteerism was important in making any organization function.

Beowulf flung his folding chair across the room. "If anyone hurts the kittens it will be my wyrding to avenge them!"

Magneto resolved that if Beowulf flung his folding metal chair into the pool at the center of Penguin's club again, then more than his wyrding would be hurting. "We only have three more agenda items and we can adjourn this meeting of the Outreach Committee." He actually quite liked Gotham. Gotham had a sort of dark depressing charm, and a sizeable meta human community. But Beowulf was only on this committee because no one else had volunteered. Really based on the Villainous Overlord meeting bylaws he should have been rotated out a year ago. "If either of you had bothered to read that note that came with the kittens, you'd know that the kittens are here as a suggestion for our new initiative to get new members. If a villain or an anti-hero joins the league, they get a kitten. We need new members. We also," he read the note again, "could stand to improve our image." Magneto held up a small black kitten with blue eyes. "It would seem that Lex Luther got the idea from seeing Lord Hater with Captain Tim."

"What?" said Lord Hater. His long bony fingers spasmed in Captain Tim's bristling fur. In that moment, he was, he wasn't sure what he was. It was, of course, only appropriate that Luthor should be inspired by his example, but Magneto's words implied that Lord Hater in some way cared about Captain Tim. That Lord Hater sometimes purchased small toys made out the bones of those who had fallen before his evil reign on his inevitable and unstoppable path to universal domination. That Lord Hater had had Commander Peppers knit a series of small eight legged sweaters for Captain Tim to keep him warm when they were conquering particularly chilly worlds. The one made of silver star dust and glowing with gamma radiation was Captain Tim's particular favourite. It kept him extra toasty warm.

Captain Tim was inclined to chills. Lord Hater hated it when Captain Tim got a chill.

Lord Hater realized that he was holding Captain Tim in the wide palms of his hands and cooing at Captain Tim. He had a momentary flash of embarrassment. Then rage at the mere idea of lesser beings like Magneto and Beowulf – Commander Peepers hardly counted as a being  - seeing him in a moment of weakness and judging him. Who were they to judge him? Then understanding bloomed in his bony chest as he saw the open accepting expression on Magneto and Beowulf's faces.

Beowulf unfolded his chair, the Hurting, and sat on it, the better to look into the basket of kittens.

That Beowulf immediately howled in pain because the Hurting was after all the most uncomfortable chair in the history of furnishings. Even more painful than the Ottomans of the Ottoman Empire.

Lord Hater chuckled. The sight of Beowulf howling never failed to bring a smile to his face.

Lord Hater pulled Captain Tim to his chest the better to stroke his short stiff fur and breath in the fragrant scent of his poison sacs. "Ah. Yes. I think that idea may have merit." He grinned, "perhaps we could also give away one of Captain Tim's eggs.

Magneto and Beowulf looked at each other and shrugged. After all, to each their own. "I think that's an excellent idea."

"Of, course it is," said Lord Hater. "It's mine."

With that order of business determined, they went on to the next order of business. Lord Hater cooing to Captain Tim all the while.

**Author's Note:**

> If after reading my fiction here, you would like to read more about me and my writing check out my profile.


End file.
